THE $TATUS FACTION

Trends in Baking

What’s the deal with RED VELVET CAKE?  It’s everywhere.  Can u say trendy much??  I remember when it was all a big deal that Dough Boy (R.I.P.) served big slices of red velvet cake and everyone was in awe of it.  Well I was at the fucking California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) on saturday and saw some waiter carrying around a piece.  What the hell?  Wasn’t this supposed to be a Southern Wedding cake?  Or at least some fancy hotel served dessert?

Though the consensus is that red velvet, like many layer cakes, is from the South, it is certainly not in every cookbook about Southern food. No definitive information exists on exactly where it came from, how it should be made or why it is red. In fact, red velvet cake has produced almost as many theories and controversies as recipes.

A resurgence in the popularity of this cake is partly attributed to the 1989 film Steel Magnolias in which the groom’s cake (another southern tradition) is a red velvet cake made in the shape of an armadillo. Others say Oprah named it one of her favorites in 2007, creating a celebrity-endorsed large buzz.  Either way…  I don’t care! This cake is great and everything but do I need it everywhere I go?  Do I want a Moroccan Chicken Salad and Cheeseburger Pizza followed by Red Velvet Cake for dessert?  NO!

Shit is played out.  Ranch is the new Ketchup and Red Velvet is the new Cheesecake.

RedVelvetThis place MILK sells Red Velvet Cupcakes in case you don’t want a whole cake.

RedVelvetPoppersGreat, just to feed your quick fix, just a little hit- we got “Red Velvet Poppers.”  These are mini-cupcakes for 75¢, “oh i just need a hit, just dose me a little with Red Velvet”

I assume to see Red Velvet in 7-11 and every vending machine around.

Remember how Gillette made the Mach 3 razor blade, then the Schick Quattro came out, then Gillette came back with the 5-blade Fusion?  Well there’s competition brewing in the world of velvet cakes too.  Here’s a hint of future baking:

BLUE Velvet cake?!?!?

BLUE Velvet cake?!?!?

Anyone else sick of Red Velvet cakes?!?

And stay tuned for future food rants…  next up is Applewood Smoked BaconIs that the only bacon being made?  Whatever happed to Hickory smoked slab bacon? BOLLOCKS!

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